maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
