I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
