You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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