I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
