she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
