i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
