bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
