so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
