It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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