You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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