Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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