I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
