plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Watching her eat just hurts me
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
