Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
