All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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