if you like me you must not know who I am
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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