I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
