New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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