I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
