I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
