And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
