Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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