I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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