I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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