before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
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He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
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I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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