if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Panties = found
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
