Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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