so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
