Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
