JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
