I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
