I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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