yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
