She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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