But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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