You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
