just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
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And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
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Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You left your phone here
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