i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
