Me too!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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