Small penises have feelings too.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
