Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
