I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
