So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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