I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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