I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
