I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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