I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
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