Have you finally orgasmed yet?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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