is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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