I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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