A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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