Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
