if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
