you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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