well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
