i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
