there was a trapeze. enough said
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
be right there i have to get my cape
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
