Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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