i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
