This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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