dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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