What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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