yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
