Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
