peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
