i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
