The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Actions speak louder than pants.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
