2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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