Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
