This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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