I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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