i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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