I wish I could teleport
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
