I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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